OK, it turns out that in A Theory of Justice, The Musical – which I still can’t quite believe is an actual thing, but it totally is – Rousseau’s big number is entitled “Man Was Born Free,” not “Everywhere in Chains.” Hey, I was pretty close!

To make amends for the error, I hereby announce Hang Together’s first ever contest. Post your entries in the comment thread: pick a philosopher and give us the title of a real song that could also be the title of that philosopher’s big show-stopping number. The song itself might be something the philosopher wouldn’t sing; I’m just looking for the title. But it has to be an actual song, not a title you made up.

So, for example, given Plato’s desire to escape from the underground cave of sensual experience and journey up into the sunlight of pure intellection, his number might be titled “Up There.” (The actual song “Up There” was Satan’s big number in the South Park movie. Don’t ask.) Or perhaps his mentor’s inflappable stoicism in the face of death might inspire him to sing “Don’t Fear the Reaper!”

What other song titles might Plato go for? How about Nietzsche? Kant? Aristotle? Locke? Aquinas? (I hestitate to mention Augustine.) Or how about contemporary figures like Heidegger, C.S. Lewis, or Rawls himself?

Post as many entries as you like. The winner will recieve everlasting fame and a lifetime supply of dehydrated water. Have fun!